 People tend to gravitate towards people they find interesting in a good or even a slightly offensive way.
One way to make friends without compromising your integrity is to show your fun side. Even shy, quiet persons have something interesting to share or can see the humor in situations. All you have to do is find the courage to share your funny thoughts without looking like you're trying too hard which would be counter-productive. Peer pressure is one example of how you can use wit to get out of an uncomfortable solution. Teenage years are the most common for peer pressure and this happens because this is the time for "finding yourself" and building friendships that can last a lifetime. However, we may find ourselves with a mixed bag of friends, some of whom may want to embarrass you or make you less popular. Let's say sometime is trying to pressure you to smoke marijuana. You can say something witty like "dude, that smells like c***, I'm not smoking that!" Although this response may seem a bit crass it's the right tone that would make sources of peer pressure laugh and be offensive enough to make them stop pressuring you. I remember some of my friends trying to get me to sit in my boyfriend's lap at the mall. Although I would have liked that as well we were not in an appropriate environment for that behavior so I said "why should I sit on his lap? He should sit on my lap instead". I knew he would never want to do that in public so I used that knowledge to deflect and everyone laughed and the situation went away. The point here is that you have options and noone should force you to do something you do not want to do. You also have an effective arsenal at your disposal in the way of your sense of humour. If none of this works or you're too shy to speak up that's fine too. Be yourself and don't go against who you are. Perhaps find a new group of friends who appreciate you for you and won't pressure you into anything.
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 I started my career with a degree in IT working as a Systems administrator. My job was very stressful and I was working 14 or sometimes 16 hour days. Some days I would set an alarm for 2am so that I could wake up and continue working so that I would not miss my deadline. This pressure was self-imposed but given that missing the deadline would cause hundreds of other people to also miss their deadline I felt like I had a gun to my head. So overworked and exhausted I ploughed on.
One of my managers once told me “the best reward for good work is more work”. What she meant by that was that because everyone knew of my reputation to always deliver they had the confidence that they could toss more work my way and it would be done and done well. It was true. Eventually, doing the work of three people took a toll on my health and also my personal life. I would spend evenings crying and snapping at my boyfriend or both. Some days I would be so stressed that I would feel my heart beating so quickly that I wouldn’t be able to catch my breath and my chest would hurt severely. I wanted to quit my job but I had never quit anything and I didn’t want to be seen as a failure. After months of this torture, I took advantage of another opportunity within the same company and moved on. Guess what happened next... The cycle started to repeat itself. The company was indeed understaffed (as it had downsized and outsourced and the like) but that wasn’t the main reason I found myself in the same stressful position yet again. The problem was me. I was a perfectionist and I did not like asking for help, not because I had a big ego but because I am an introvert and speaking to persons I don’t know is very hard for me. However, I knew I had to make a change in my career and in my own life. I started researching child care and what was required to get into that field. This was a complete 360 from my background which was IT but I had such as passion for taking care of babies that I wanted to make this my livelihood. I did child CPR courses and early childhood learning courses and started applying at nurseries and daycares in the area once I was prepared. I landed a full time job which paid half of what I was making but the rewards of caring for a child and benefits of a less demanding and stressful career were priceless. I discussed this with my boyfriend who was extremely supportive and we found a way to make it work for us financially. Armed with a new job and a plan for my family I met with my manager and let him know I was resigning with a month’s notice so that he could have time to find a replacement. My new life Exactly one month later I was working in a new challenging career but one which was manageable and very rewarding. I was happy and my boyfriend was also happy now that I was happy. All it took was an inward look at myself and a critical evaluation of what I wanted my life to look like. That gave me the courage I needed to make a positive change. |